Good Apples

The Road Now

So I have walked through life trying to keep the negative influences behind me. Fatherhood came along and I found myself with blurred vision and at times walking upside down. To raise a son on my own was not plan. With even strides I set aside all that might direct the young man in the wrong direction. Eventually keeping ahead of that bad boy that tried so hard to keep me from moving ahead. Well my son grew up and I was there every step of the way. I am grateful for that. I have changed in many ways and have change many times. I look back and remember the things we did that might have influenced him in the most positive way. the water gun fights that went well into the night eventually turned into shooting bees out of the air with a BB gun. The fireworks show turned into blowing cans high into the air by placing a small explosive made of bundled firecrackers in just the right place. Hanging out at the American Legion hall doing some volunteer work and of course serving on the rifle squad as my young son looked on from afar. My military background would later come around and be a reason for my son to rebel. I’m glad he had the courage to do that. I think back to the time when he really needed to stand up and tell it to like it was. He started with “dad remember what you said about free speech”? And then proceeded to tell me how he was tired of me always telling him to ” buck up”. That was my son at a very young age standing up to one of the most feared men in that small town. I listened I heard and I changed. But nothing has changed me the like hearing him tell me he was going to become a U.S.Marine. I can’t really explain it yet. But something happened deep inside me. He had a delayed enlistment which gave seven months to get in touch with what was going on inside me. Seven months was not enough time and I’m still trying to get it done. I went through many things and tried very hard to keep all the bad thoughts at bay. Memorial day 2007 once again we were at the ceremonies in which I participate and my son watched from the crowd as I laid a wreath for the fallen of the Vietnam war. At ceremonies end it was announced that my son had joined the Marine Corp and that he would be leaving for boot camp the following day. The rush of emotion was unlike any I had ever felt to that day. I remember standing with him as the towns people that knew us came by to thank him and then thanked me. Etched in my mind forever. I was present at my sons request when he took his oath, a very proud moment. The next three months would be a time of change and much worry. I remember hearing a recruiter say that letters in boot camp are like presents at Christmas time. I wrote my son a letter everyday while he was there. A man was changing and a kid was becoming a man. It is like nothing I ever heard anyone talk about. Your only son becomes a Marine at a time in history that America is at war. Change deep inside me moving to my outsides. Memorial day 2008 will be very different for us. I will be participating and this year my son will join me. He will be part of the activity and will be laying the wreath for the fallen in Afghanistan in memory of of his cousin, my nephew, PFC Matthew Brown. I’m telling you that the death of this soldier has hit me harder than expected. Because he is family, if not for his mother I would not have met the woman that gave me such a wonderful son. We grieve with her and honor her son who gave his life for this great country of ours. He understood the risks,my son understands the risk,I understand the risks.Nothing prepares you for this. Everytime I see that we have lost a soldier it saddens me, and this melts my gut. Where do militay families come from? Has something to do with the apple and the tree. A strong tree gives good apples.

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14 Responses to “Good Apples”

  1. How You Doin Blondie Says:

    You made me cry. I understand what you mean, about the melting in your gut. It’s like your stomach drops to your knees and your skin gets cold and no matter where you are or what you’re doing, the tears rush to your eyes and sometimes you can fight them back, but most of the time you can’t.

    That’s why I don’t watch the news anymore, Adam.


  2. Heather Says:

    “standing up to one of the most feared men in that small town.”

    Really? Feared in a good way I hope, not like the psycho-not proven guilty just yet-kind of way. *L*

    While life sometimes gets you down so low, you still have to make room for a chuckle.

    I hope you are feeling as right as you can be. You did good, I know you are proud of that. I don’t think you could have wanted this life any other way! And honestly, I don’t know you all that well, but I am damn proud of you for standing up to the plate and doing such a fine job. I can only hope to do the same.


  3. theroadnow Says:

    Blondie I’m sorry you cried without my shoulder there.

  4. theroadnow Says:

    Heather funny you caught that… I had to put it in there…As viewed through the eyes of a young boy needing to stand up and be heard…..

    I’m doing better each day… have moments that are sad mainly when I think of how young Matthew was…Good thoughts and prayer will get it done

  5. How You Doin Blondie Says:

    How nice it’d be if your shoulder really could be there, I sure could use it sometimes.


  6. theroadnow Says:

    That appeals to me…Do you cry much…

  7. How You Doin Blondie Says:

    Well, not in public. I’d sooner chew glass then cry in public…(movie theaters don’t count, I can usually pull it together by the time the lights come on). But in private, yeah, sometimes. I don’t like crying because in general, I’m not a big crier – so if something is big enough to make me cry, then it’s a pretty big deal, and it’s one of those big, heaving-sob type cries. Not pretty.

  8. theroadnow Says:

    There is something sexy about crying…Not that I would intentionaly make you cry…

  9. How You Doin Blondie Says:

    I never thought you would…

    …maybe the sexy thing about crying is the vulnerability it shows – nothing contrived, nothing forced, just real emotion…I don’t know, I just know I don’t like crying. When I see a man cry I get scared, or no, maybe “scared” isn’t the word for it…I don’t know, my Dad is certainly not the “sensitive” type, so on the VERY RARE occasions I saw him cry, it was always over something very, very big. I guess my subconscious assumption is that if a man is crying – there’s some shit that’s either going or already is very, very wrong.

  10. theroadnow Says:

    When my son Graduated from bootcamp and walked over to give him a hug, I felt this rush of emotion that I pretty damn near cried..No tears though…So if that is your subconscious assumption,then perhaps you are a bit old fashion you think?

  11. How You Doin Blondie Says:

    I’m actually incredibly old-fashioned, though I hide it very well behind a “liberated” exterior 😉

  12. How You Doin Blondie Says:

    Adam, I’m a tough one to love (though not on purpose). Men fall out just as quickly as they fall in.

  13. theroadnow Says:

    I have launched a study to find the answer…a solution…a guide book…

  14. militay men Says:

    […] tha

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